Exorcising food

This might be long overdue to some since it's been around for more than an year or so, but it has come to my attention there's alleged occult experts out there who sell some kind of over the top $200 magical weight loss food of some kind. Moreover, said magical food is also said to confer wealth, among other things, which made me immediately think of some guy from Africa who was bragging about eating Martian pentacles with eggs for protection. Hopefully for him, the pentacles were drawn on paper, but the actual problem is that they weren't even consecrated, i.e. charge (for all ye wannabes).

But I'm digressing. You're telling me I can woowoo a sandwich for wealth? That's rich! Pun intended. Don't get me wrong, I'd believe you if you'd tell me you woowoo your sandwich for wight loss and it worked, even if you used an exorcism turned into a part of a godhead assumption technique two thousand years later. But there's no way in hell you can tell me that sandwich will make you wealthy after eating it and I'd believe you! Especially with that kind of operation over it, which works on the same principle as exorcising your toaster so it'd fix itself and start working again.

Bottom line is I became well versed in weight loss magical operations well before I put out my fitness magick working for just $32! It's got a side that cover building muscles too, along quite a few other practical uses for occultists. You see, I've tested that shit for sooo long and on sooo many people I can practically do the ritual in my sleep.

I've got many cousins. One of them is overweight due to genetic issues. One of them was overweight due to unhealthy eating and lifestyle. One of them was underweight, merely skin and bones like yours truly used to be. My mother gained weight some ten years ago after surgery. One of my uncles is semi paralyzed after a stroke and, although his condition improved over time with medical and magical care, stagnation made him gain weight and that was affecting him in other ways. Not to mention several neighbors and yours truly himself.

All these people had weight issues of some kind. All these people benefited from extended magical assistance to deal with those issues. There was extra research put behind these workings, including a study of each individual's medical papers as well as their astro whatnot. Part of those issues were fixed rather quickly. Others later on. Some maintained their "newly acquired" physique while others didn't and regressed back to their initial condition.

There is a reason for this and I go into some details about that in the text of the magical working I've already mentioned. Bottom line is although the method has proved its effectiveness time and again, it's not guaranteed it will work for everyone to the extent each person desires. 

But if you come to me saying your $200 exorcism splashed food will not only make me lose weight but also become wealthy and so on, I will have to ask you why you're still still fat then (and not a millionaire by now)?