Helping hand

Dear Show-offs, 

Having been blunt towards you and your ways with respect to talking out your asses and selling crap pentacles, I hereby take it upon myself to help you with them pesky astrological elections you're both ignorant of and all-out dismissing in the most shameless, pathetic way, even when faced with the reality of receiving awful feedback from people. This is not to be understood I think all your work is wack and produces no results or worse! I think you're simply conducting some of your work with extreme irresponsibility with respect to timing because the more the merrier. Because show me the money, right? So pay attention now.

I'm sure this is not the best election possible, but I've done it on the go on my phone by using a simple free astro site and a planetary hours one. So all you'd need to know is the essential dignities and make use of them as best as possible. Otherwise, buy an advanced software that'll calculate the best goddamn elections evah. But again, you'd have to wait for longer so b-bye money... 

 

Anyway, let's get it on. Keep in mind this chart is set on Greenwich time so if it's not that hard for you, please adjust the chart to your local time in such a way Venus will be on the Midheaven. Don't worry! I'm sure you're somewhere way further west of Greenwich so Venus will still be in its terms and the Moon will still be in its decan and closer to a perfect conjunction with Big Boy Jupiter which is now direct and, although still slower than usual, gives lady Moon extra oomph to channel them juicy energies into your shit. And, at your highly elevated level of knowledge, Jupiter equals money, right? The Moon will also be waxing, which is what I imagine you knuckleheads only use as an election. Besides the mandatory day and hour!!! But more on that a bit further.

Overlooking the fact Jupiter has very little to do with this Venus election apart from aiding lady Moon channeling Venus' juices better, the pretty lady is waxing and in her decan - dignity, mofuckas! Venus is in double dignity, triplicity+terms, in Capricorn so she's gonna be hornier than usual. In fact, she's gonna be as horny as when she's at home although from what I heard you guys don't even bother using that in your work.

Fyi, geniuses, a Robert Zoller former student is selling astro talismans of Venus made when Venus happened to be there, so take my offer ffs coz there's no strings attached. You'd be making money having made a good pentacle on a good election. But wait, your greed is prolly gonna drive you into making a large batch of them on that election so the charge, ahem! CONSECRATION energies would be divided between all them pentacles. That means that, instead of Venus squirting her full load into one pentacle, she'd be spraying it all over the place so each pentacle will receive a lesser amount of c... ONSECRATION!!! But they don't teach you that in woowoo class. But I'm sure you didn't take no woowoo class because you were born woowoo, having had some magical grandpa so you were born all-woowoo just like Rey from the disney abomination.

Btw, who dafuq gave you the idea the day AND hour is the ONLY goddamn election possible??? Fyi, I selected the election specifically for dum-dums like you to include the hour, otherwise these things can be done when the planet is on an angle alone, doh. Because reasons that are too unimportant for your highly superior woowoo selves. Even so, the mofuckin Key of Solomon, the absolute godhead monad of woowoo also speaks of using just the day and just the hour, so keep paying attention and do take notes ffs. 

And based on my off the top calculations you'd be also having Venus on the Midheaven during the hour of Venus in your timezone, but don't take my word for it because I'm not wasting my time to cast other charts and look up other hours based on other locations just to make things easier for you. Buuut, if you're too afraid to do it at a time that has nothing specific to Venus, do it the following day. The Moon will be in Pisces then while Venus will have exited her terms and will only be gaining dignity from the element. Your choice, Mary-Sues.

Although, if it weren't for me asking about pentacles being made in the mofuckin day and hour of the planet of choice a few years back in some allegedly scholasticated fb group, instead of on a Wednesday in the hour of Mercury, you geniuses wouldn't have started the goddamn debate that ultimately lead to the discovery of the millennium - the KoS election is for some OTHA pentacles. I mean this method, right HERE, for which I thank the godlike scholars of occult social media for having deciphered its actual purpose. But I'm digressing. 

 

So here you go, you simply adorable, highly advanced, omnipotent ones, the election chart: November 11, 2021, at 2:57pm GMT.

To break it down for the likes of me because you guys are geniuses: 

1. Day of Jupiter, hour of Venus = the two benefics, doh!

2. Venus is in good dignity = strong; and on the Midheaven = even better because a bit more stronger.

3. The Moon is waxing and in dignity = good; also applying to a conjunction with Jupiter = good.

4. Neither Venus nor the Moon are involved in hard aspects = pretty - oh darn, its sextile with Neptune can't be considered as being separating yet, but I'm sure if you'd do it based on your time zone that sextile will be separating and the Moon will be plunging straight into the Fat Guy without any other interference, pleasant or otherwise - told ya tis not a perfect election! 

5. Venus is not even in its retrograde "shadow" although I don't think you'd care about that and it's a modern thing anyway, but if you think about it older sources do speak of accidental debility when a planet is slower than usual and that happens while its in the retro "shadow" so...

Now, I'm sure you all-powerful, all-experienced, know-it-all scholars know your shit when it comes to CONSECRATING a fuckin talisman, be it a Key of Solomon pentacle. I'm sure you'd be doing it by the book although the book itself doesn't tell you how. But I'm sure you have your highly sophisticated and super powerful tricks up your sleeve that make you a more badass magicianist than everyone else. Why would you be fighting over pentacles then, if it weren't for the unofficial and unrecognized title of Supreme Leader of the magical world? 

And why dafuq do I keep using Star Wars stuff lately? Good question! Because I was sure disney would ruin Star Wars the moment I heard they bought it from Lucas and they went ahead and proved me right. And the fact they're getting their shit together apparently and they're announcing what appear to be new and pretty SW shows done by people who actually know their SW, somehow all of that will have to converge to and/or expand from, depending on the timeline, the absolute worst, indescribable and unimaginable grotesque galactic scale pile of space-horse-shit that has ever appeared in the entertainment business. 

And what does that got to do with fuckin pentacles? Apparently nothing, but you see, you geniuses are the JJ Abrams and Kathleen Kennedy of the fucking magical talisman world! You've taken something which requires a lot of study and skill and turned it into a money-making thing without considering any of those requirements. Again, not that I'm highly knowledgeable in that either, but I know more about it than you guys. So to add another comparison with SW, I might not be a Dave Filoni here, or even a hardcore fan who's read all the books and comics and played all the games and whatnot, but I'm not a Reylo fan either. Not that I have a problem with Reylo fans or that I've got something against them, but in the larger SW community they're like some people who wake up one morning thinking it'd be cool if they were spiritual all of the sudden and fly to Peru for an Ayahuasca session just to prove their spiritual awakeness to their friends. At least that's how I view things.

 

But rest assured I will find out eventually if you've gotten better at this than me and I will say "hat's off to you" when and if that happens. I won't be sorry for having written this stuff though. Quite the opposite, imma be proud for having given you guys a much needed wake-up call, which lead you to surpass my highly limited level when it comes to knowledge over astro stuff and their occult applications.

 

No need to thank me for any of this.

 

Yours truly!

 

 

To wrap it all up, here's how I CONSECRATED my Venus pentacle of choice and those interested can use this method on the election time I've mentioned. This is for people like me or for those who are less experienced and who are I'm sure are gonna end up surpassing me along the way.

1. Scott's Operant Field.

2. Greater Invoking Ritual of the Hexagram of Venus by path - green light; godnames AHA. (Yes, Thelemic! Do the SIRH of Venus if you like/know it.)

3. Orphic hymn to Venus. You can use any other general invocation to Venus, such as the one from the Picatrix (Book III, Chapter 7): 

"Peace be upon you Venus, O Happy Bosomed Lady, the cold, the moderate in humidity, the clean, the beautiful, the aromatic, the generous in joy, the owner of jewels, gold, happiness, dancing, singing, decoration, having fun, listening to music, who plays an instrument, move strings of lute to make music, playing, joking, socializing, full of leisure and entertainment, the just, the passion for drinking alcohol, the passion for relaxation and happiness, the passion for marriages, I also call you with all your names: in Arabic Aye Zahra, in Persian Anaheed, in Roman Aphrodite, in Greek Tyiana, in Indian Surfah, in the name of all the upper gods, answer me and obey Allah (if you want, add name of the highest deity of your religion or spiritual belief instead) and his sultanate (kingdom) and grant me 'so and so' (your intent or assistance for the purpose you are conducting the ritual), in the name of Bitael (you can replace with Anael if you want) the kingly authorizer with your matters."

4. My godhead assumption of Venus by path - green light; godname AHA.

5. Conjuration of Anael.

 

6. Command Anael to CONSECRATE the pentacle so that it'll serve you with its powers from then on; additionally, charge the pentacle yourself by projecting energy into it - oh no! Psychological model!!! Oh yes, added to the spirit model because microcosmos and macrocosmos, doh!

7. Give Anael offerings in return because it's nice and then license Anael to depart.

8. Close the ritual with the Qabalistic Cross.

 

You can go even more woowoo at step #5 and add the following prayers and conjurations from the Veritable Key of Solomon with respect to Venus pentacles.

 

Before conjuring Anael say: 

 

"Lord Abalidoth, who loves your servants and who wishes to be loved by
them; I pray to you through the intervention of those whom you cherish the
most amongst the Celestial Spirits, who are Tamael, Corat, Kadiel, Porna, to
pour out onto my Operation the sweet and loving influences of which your
bounty's treasures are full, so that the Operation I am undertaking today may
be successful in accordance with my wishes and that I may be able to give
glory to you through it with recognition befitting you."

Then conjure Anael, then say:

"Come on the wings of the Zephirs, Oh happy Spirits, who rule over the
workings of the heart. Come Celestial Sarabotes, Hufaltiel, Dormiel, Turiel,
hear now at your pleasure the invocation I am making on this day (or hour)
dedicated to the wonders of Love. Be obedient and lend your aid for the
certain success of that, which I am undertaking in the hope that you will be
favourable towards me."

"1 conjure you by the veneration which you have for the mystical Name
Setchiel, Oh benevolent Spirits, who preside over the rituals which are made
on this day. I conjure you, Talaroth, Misig, Euphaniel, Eleuros that you come
to me with all the power that you have to separate and to make evil Spirits
and enemies of just rituals flee. By this powerful virtue, let me succeed in my
intentions on this day (or hour) consecrated to Venus." 

Then you will command Anael and the spirits to consecrate the talisman, give them some offerings and license them to depart.

OR! (And pay attention dum-dums!!!)

You can make a Picatrix talisman for love stuff instead. Ooooooooo! According to that source, which is in no way some kind of proto-"Solomonic" or whatever, you have to draw "the image of a woman holding in her right hand an apple and a comb that looks like a board in her left hand" - Book II, Chapter 10, I THINK, but don't take my word for it coz I hate to read. The source actually speaks of carving that image on an onyx, but they've also been made using metal so I cannot see how using parchment or a clean piece of paper would fail because that's how mine is made and besides women folk acting in pretty ways whenever I'm around for a bit longer, I also get certain favors from people in general. You can also find invocations to Venus in the previous chapters and also in Book III, if memory serves.

Or if you're a guy so desperate to bust a nut just conjure a pretty Puella with some cash and afterwards smoke'em if you got'em! 

 

There! The trilogy is complete: Stink Wars, Episodes 1, 2, and 3 (this one). 

 

Hate on, dum-dums!

The Great Gazoo