Lilith in synastry - patterns

"Getting down and dirty: Astrology and love spells" from Asteria 2 offers readers useful information with respect to astrological implications in relationships and how those implications can enforce or hinder love spells. Black Moon Lilith, BML or Lilith in short, is ever so present among that information because its energies can and will subject people to great intensity if the synastry conditions are right. This happens regardless of whether some take them into account or otherwise, especially them holier-than-thou "experts" who don't believe even the energies of the (physical) planets affect life on Earth, let alone something as apparently meager as a fictional point.

While there are more than a few possible synastry combinations BML can be involved in, the hard ones being addressed in The Magick of Astrorelationships, there are undeniable patterns such synastry aspects generate both between and within two individuals who share them. These patterns can be noticed by an outside observer as well as someone who's experiencing them themselves. Both objective and subjective perspectives complement each other and reveal a clearer picture of the patterns.

Being someone who's experienced this as both the "BML person" and the "planet person" in synastry, as well as an outside observer of such interactions between people (not to mention my natal Sun-BML conjunction),  I will briefly describe the patterns. I will try to paint a picture for anyone interested although I will do so in broad strokes, since there are many particularities that may differ from case to case. The reasons for this are the interactions between the many other components of the two charts and between those of each individual chart. I will also discuss this as a one-sided thing, meaning one person's BML involved in aspects with the other's planets, while you can imagine things can (more than) double in intensity if both parties' BML are involved in such aspects.

The greatest impact on the two individuals occurs when one's BML is involved in aspects with the other's Sun, Moon, Venus or Mars. We can throw in the Ascendant as well although for the purpose of this article I will take a modern, shallow approach and equate the ASC with the Sun. Each if these planets causes a different flavoured interaction with the BML, but the patterns remain very similar for the most part. Also, the conjunction, opposition and square, in that order, are the aspects that generate the most intense experiences. Trines and sextiles make those experiences easier to handle and facilitate a smoother interaction between the two.

Both people will feel the impact of such an aspect early on, most of the time. Both will feel as if something they can't comprehend has been pulling them towards the other and keeps increasing the strength of that pull. Both of them can very well shrug it off, but in the back of their mind there's a constant itch that demands scratching. In person, the two can act awkward towards each other and even avoid one another, each coming up with petty excuses to leave the area or simply look the other way. 

Nevertheless, each of them feels the other in the area whenever they're around and even after they're gone. In some cases they can feel the other right beside them and, in more extreme cases, as if the other person were glued to them or lurking just over their shoulder. There can be cases when either one is involved in sexual acts with a different person and becomes entranced to such a degree they feel they're actually having sex with the person with whom they share the BML synastry aspect. 

The "BML person" is usually attracted to the other because they sense their true potential and, in reality, they're attracted to that potential. Their influence on the other is to help that person access and use their true potential to its fullest. On the other hand, the "planet person" is attracted to the other because they "see" certain things in them they themselves haven't yet integrated into their personality. They find those things both highly intriguing and appealing, as well as something perilous. The reason for this lies in the fact the "BML person" triggers the "planet person's" conditioning flaws. By this I mean both the patterns that had made the "planet person" construct their conditioning, as well as whatever aspects of their personality they had shunned while constructing that conditioning. The "BML person" also feels something similar since BML is responsible for triggering people into manifesting the aspects of the personality that had been shunned.

The entire nature of such an aspect, as felt by both people, is irrational. They cannot consciously comprehend the intense magnetism between them, and thus the powerful attraction, and they cannot consciously force themselves to behave in certain ways towards the other. Both behave in ways that can feel odd to them and yet they can't stop gravitating around one another like two black holes.

Here lies the core problem, something that can lead to catastrophic outcomes. Either or both can find such an intensity intolerable and at some point they will snap. Whenever that happens it's likely to manifest through lashing out at the other in a powerful and highly unpleasant way, as many of the parts of their personality that had not been integrated will be channeled towards the other person and manifest their ugly sides. Instead of mutual liberation, it will lead to mutual suffering.

By mutual liberation I mean each person helps the other discorver, understand and become more whole. The end result, regardless of how time consuming the entire ordeal (yes, it can very well be an ordeal) lasts, would be both people end up feeling happy and at peace with themselves and so they would be able to interact with the other (and others, in general) freely, without shame, guilt, fear, paranoia and so on. They would also be well aware of both themselves, the other and others in general and will act accordingly, free from previous constraints their personality had subjected them to experience. 

By mutual suffering I mean both will drive a wedge between themselves and will try to bury the hurt they've experienced at the moment the dire event had occurred. In many cases they will also "bury" the person, something that can lead to long term suffering as they will constantly be haunted by the other even without realizing it. Vague memories of actions performed together will generate a series of associations with various things from their surrounding environment, regardless of whether they change that environment. Whenever the individual comes across such things they will be triggered. Since they had "buried" the person, meaning they had consciously forced themselves to erase them from existence, the conditioning flaws they had generated at the time will later act by making them lash out at anyone and anything whenever they're being triggered although not knowing why. 

Afterwards they may very well feel awful for their actions, but that feeling won't pass even if they're forgiven or pay have to pay for it. The reason for this is they had deliberately cast the cause of their suffering into the void, meaning the (memory of the) person best suited to assist and help them discover, understand, integrate and make use of all the parts of their personality. As such, they will constantly feel a great emptiness inside.

While there are ways to deal with one's BML solo, it is much easier to do it as a couple even if the two people don't form a romantic couple. The problem here is that such aspects generate extreme possessiveness since one feels the other is theirs alone. Jealousy can reach otherworldly levels and manifest in the most severe ways and in the most unnecessary circumstances, even when the two do not form a romantic couple. Even more so, they feel the other is part of them! 

Thing is, intense irrational fear can make the two hold back when it comes to sharing their feelings with the other, especially since they cannot or have great trouble putting them to words. This can also lead to unpleasantness in regards to sexual experiences between the two. While both a physical and a nonphysical pull is felt immensely by both parties, either or both can, at the last moment, feel an irrational urge to put a halt to the sexual act that is just about to commence (yours truly having experienced a case of blue balls a couple of times so far due to such circumstances). This would leave at least one of the individuals stunned and unable to process what is happening and why. 

It is true that sex with someone whom you share a powerful BML aspect is out if this world, as it really feels as if you're transcending reality. It can also feel as if you stop being yourself and you begin feeling as if you're the other, or at least you begin to feel as if you're seeing things more from their perspective. But this is a two edged sword since it's like stepping into a complex hall of mirrors in which recognizing the actual real image becomes almost impossible. The resulting confusion can stalk anyone that has experienced it for a long, long time. 

However, such an experience can also occur even without having sex with the other. Depending on the two people's own natal charts, it is possible that at least one of them would have such experiences simply through prolonged mundane jnteraction with the other, interaction that excludes physical intimacy.

Whenever such things happen the affected person ends up "stealing" traits from the other and, without recognizing them as mirrored images of their own traits they had failed to integrate, manifest them chaotically. Although such behavior can come across as schizophrenic, it is nothing of the like. It is simply the personality being stuck in a loop that's constantly regurgitating their own shunned traits while the person themselves usually thinks that by manifesting them they're getting closer to the other. Moreover, this causes one to view the other through a distorted lense. Coupled with the extreme possessiveness, this usually leads towards one beginning to impose unto the other how they should behave and, in general, live their life. And I won't get into the vengeful nature of such aspects that can manifest with incredible ferocity after things fall apart between the two people.

That's about it. I may write more on the topic should I feel the need. I wrote a bit more about where conditioning is formed, how some traits are rejected and how they will end up biting one in the ass in "Making a house call: Analysing house systems" in the aforementioned book and you can also check out my articles on the fourth, eighth and twelfth houses (alongside "A living hell: The eerie twelfth house" from the same book). More general information on BML can be found in Asteria, including physical considerations, as well as in "Come to the dark side: Astrological healing with Lilith" and "It works! In theory... : Theoretical points in practice" from Asteria 2.